My mum has died

Day 404.

I was going about my Saturday when my brother texted me. He asked me if I had spoken to my dad. I immediately knew that something was wrong.

I phoned my dad and he told me that my mum had died in her sleep the night before. It was pretty shocking.

Cardiac arrest

She had suffered a cardiac arrest in the middle of the night. My dad thought she was just sleeping in, and he found a bit later in the morning that she wasn't.

She had gasped for a breath at around 1 am, which my dad mistook for snoring. I believe that is called agonal gasping.

There was no way my dad could have saved her on his own with CPR, even if he had realised what was happening. They live on a farm about an hour and a half from the nearest hospital.

Her heart health

My mum had been dealing with heart issues since she had Covid-19 in 2020. The doctors told her that the virus had impacted her heart function, and she took some medication for a while to deal with it.

As far as I know things improved and she eventually stopped taking the medication.

In the month or two before her cardiac arrest, her heart worsened again. She experienced atrial fibrilation and was extremely tired. Her doctor booked her in for a cardioversion which reset her heart back to a normal rhythm.

She was meant to go for a follow up appointment with an electrophysiologist, but the cardiac arrest happened before she could get an appointment.

Did she have cardiac sarcoidosis?

Sarcoidosis is a systemic disease which commonly is experience by multiple members of the same family.

I will always wonder if she might also have had cardiac sarcoidosis. Perhaps instead of long-Covid causing her heart problems directly it was merely the trigger for cardiac sarcoidosis?

My dad mentioned that when she had pneumonia a few months ago the chest X-ray showed unexplained shadows in her lungs. Sarcoidosis in the lungs is often mistaken for pneumonia.

That and the fact that her heart troubles seemed to come and go like flares have made me very suspicious.

Due to her age (66 years old), her death was not classed as unexplained and no autopsy was performed. I guess I will never know.

Regrets

I guess as is to be expected I am feeling a lot of guilt.

We live in New Zealand and my parents live in South Africa. Numerous family visits have had to be cancelled. First due to the Covid-19 pandemic, and then due to my own health challenges.

We did video calls every two weeks. But it is just not the same as hugging her in person.

My son will now never really know his grandmother. Ouma.